Teaching parents in Malawi why girls need education, not child marriage
Girls' education
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Salome is happy to be back at school Picture: Tearfund/Chris Hoskins
By Jen Clark
For many generations in Karonga in the north of Malawi, childhood marriage has been a cultural norm.
Girls, sometimes as young as six, are groomed for the purpose of marriage and are often forced by family members to drop out of school in order to take up their new roles as wives and mothers.
In many cases they find themselves married to men who are decades older than they are.
But a project by the charity in the district is overcoming cultural barriers to education and radically transforming attitudes and practices that leave girls without hope of a brighter future.
Salome Mbughi, who is 20, is just one of the girls who has been supported by the project.
At the age of 15, her parents gave her to a 29-year-old man who was labouring at their house and who already had two wives.
She said 鶹APPIt was the intention of my parents that they get a man for me. It was a deliberate move that they found this man.
Salome with her school friends Picture: Tearfund/Chris Hoskins
鶹APPThey arranged that every night he would come and sleep in my room with me without my consent. I wakened up and the man grabbed me and started doing sex with me.
鶹APPI wanted to shout but the man closed my mouth. The next day he went away. My father knew he had been in the house because it was arranged. My parents needed this man to marry me.鶹APP
After pleading with her parents for two months for this to stop, Salome soon found she was pregnant and was forced to drop out of school to live with her new husband, who became increasingly violent.
鶹APPWhen I was taken to the man鶹APPs house I was weeping daily,鶹APP she said. 鶹APPHe used to beat me and the other wives were abusing me. They said 鶹APPWe don鶹APPt want you here. You are young. Why are you with my husband?
鶹APPI felt like committing suicide. I was young and I had an old husband. He was always forcing me to sleep with him.
鶹APPI was always crying and feeling pain. I was very much depressed. I was a virgin and he destroyed my virginity.鶹APP
But thanks to a group of community volunteers in what are known locally as Mother and Father groups, Salome was able to find a way out.
Mother and Father group members regularly check the school attendance register Picture: Tearfund/Chris Hoskins
Tearfund鶹APPs project, which has received funding from the Scottish Government, is working through its partner organisation to drive down child marriage and increase access to education.
When Salome contacted the Mother and Father group, they counselled her parents and made her husband pay a fine and agree to allow her to leave and go back to school.
The groups are accustomed to taking on the role of surrogate parents so that they can educate families, manage conflict and speak up for girls who feel unable to challenge the status quo.
Benson Masumgwa, from Kalembo Mother and Father group, was one of the first in his community to take a stand for Salome.
He said 鶹APP I played a large role in identifying the child. When I heard she was married, I counselled Salome about the importance of education and then I counselled the parents. It was a long process but eventually the parents agreed she had to go back to school.
鶹APPI went to the headmaster to get him to agree to have her readmitted to school. With Salome鶹APPs family there was resistance in the beginning. It took more than a year until they would trust and accept me.鶹APP
The groups are not only working with individual cases but influencing entire communities through a set of by-laws to penalise men who insist on marrying children or parents who refuse to send their children to school.
Salome at home with her mother and father and her son AndrewPicture: Tearfund/Chris Hoskins
The initiative has received the backing of community leaders and teachers, and is increasingly gaining wider support on the ground.
Members of the group, who act on a voluntary basis, work closely with schools, checking attendance registers and identifying young girls who are regularly missing lessons.
Pupils are strongly advised to get involved in Life Skills Clubs, teaching them how to make informed decisions and stand up for their rights.
Salome said: 鶹APPThere was a certain girl I shared my story with. She said about this group called a Mother and Father group at her school.
鶹APPShe said she thought they would be able to assist me. So I went to the group for support and my friend came with me.
鶹APPThey started counselling my parents. At first my parents refused but after some time, slowlythey understood.
鶹APPThey also went to discuss with my husband, telling him that he had done wrong to marry a young girl. They told him to pay a fine and that I would have to go back to school.
Happy Salome plays with her five-year-old son Andrew Picture: Tearfund/Chris Hoskins
鶹APPI was taken back to the house of my parents. Then I went back to school.鶹APP
Salome鶹APPs father Heckings now regrets the path he chose for his daughter.
He said: 鶹APPIn this culture, the parents can arrange the marriage for the children. The parents get cattle and the boy and girl get married. it鶹APPs the exchange of a girl for a cow.
鶹APPBecause of the Mother and Father group telling us about the by-laws and the importance of education, it has changed us and the entire community.
鶹APPI arranged the marriage for Salome because this man was very important to me. He was assisting me and it was important for me that Salome get married to him.
鶹APPBut then the Mother and Father group came to counsel me. They played a great role in her life.
鶹APPThey said 鶹APPThe girl is very young. She should not get married. She should go to school.鶹APP
Salome with Benson Masumgwa from the Mother and Father group Picture: Tearfund/Chris Hoskins
鶹APPIt took me four years to understand from the group that it is very important that my child goes to school. She dropped out of school for four years.
鶹APPAt first it was normal to me because of the culture but now she has come back here, I know to do things differently. Now I have realised that to educate a girl child is important.
鶹APPThe group was not angry when they came to us. We sat down together and they started sharing.
鶹APPThey have done a great role, not only to us, but to the entire family. They teach the whole family about the importance of education.
鶹APPThe things that happened to Salome will not happen to anyone else in this family. She is the role model for our household.
鶹APPI tell other fathers about our experience and what I have learned. It is my role to talk to them and they hear what I teach them very much.
鶹APPAt this time I am very happy that I have been transformed. I am seeing a very good future for Salome.鶹APP
Chiefs show the community鶹APPs child marriage by-laws Picture: Tearfund/Chris Hoskins
Although back in the family home, settled in school and building bridges with her parents, Salome is also still receiving the support of her Mother and Father group.
She now enjoys school, plays netball, reads books and spends time with her friends.
Her parents are currently supporting her by paying for her school materials, encouraging her with her homework and looking after her five-year old son Andrew while she studies.
But all she has been through still makes life difficult.
鶹APPI regret to be a mother at this age,鶹APP said Salmoe. 鶹APPI always thank the group because they are the ones who rescued me.
鶹APPThey still continue to encourage me. They say 鶹APPEven though you are a mother,this is not the end of your life. You will be independent and you鶹APPll start working鶹APP.
鶹APPMy parents say they have accepted they did wrong and they will raise me until I get educated.
鶹APPI wanted to commit suicide when I was with the man. But now I am really happy because I have a place at secondary school and I can become a nurse to help people. I want to be a role model in this community.鶹APP
Jen Clark is Media and Communications Manager for Tearfund Scotland. You can follow Tearfund Scotland and .
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